I know it's been a while

But sometimes you just need to try and deal and I am having a hard time dealing. Ever since my friend's murder the week after my birthday I have been on the edge. Everything that reminds me of him sets me off. German food! Cookie Monster, knee high boots! Anytime anyone makes any gay joke or uses the word gay to replace other hurtful words I lose it as well. I still have't been able to wrap my head around the idea that this kid had so much fear and/or hate towards homosexuals that he felt he needed to end my friend's life. To remove from this world, a friend, a brother, a son, and an all around nice guy. Troy never was mean to anyone. There was nothing but love in his heart. His smile and glowing soul lit every room he entered. Now, that light is gone. The light he put in my heart I feel has faded as well. I know it should last forever but it hurts to try and turn it on. I know I will take some time to forgive this young man for what he has taken from this world. Something we will never get back. I watch the skies and watch for his light in everything, hoping that he will show me he is still around. I feel the warm breeze and imagine it's his hugs. I do not wish for the young man that killed him to die. I know a lot of friends do, but I don't think they are thinking it through. I feel the hurt that he has caused us. It is my pain too. But I would never want anyone to feel this pain. To lose a friend. I don't want another mother to lose their son or another sister to lose their brother. I just want to believe with everything in me that Troy is alright. That this young man will NOT hurt anyone again and that he realizes what he has done to the people close to Troy.

The young man has not been to court yet to recieve his hearing. He is still out on bail with limited restrictions. I pray for the people in the area that he does not strike again. Also, I lose ALL respect for the city of San Antonio for letting this young man roam free in the city after confessing to murduring a man for being homosexual!

I will love with all my heart and treat everyone as they should be treated. Troy would have wanted me to spread love. I will and I will always remember him.